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Before visiting this site, please check your sight here

I have found most of the jokes and pics on the
internet, and if you claim copyright, please tell me.



DEMENTIA?
Hi Lily ... It is a long time since we last met ... I just wanted to wish you happy Easter,
and I hope that you entered 1987 just fine ... All the other here at the Alzheimer´s
home send their best regards ... I sure want to go home at the soonest ... I am well now ...
Best greetings from aunt William.

WARNING
- Stay away from undertakers.
- They just want your body.

In the emergency room

- Go and ask the patient about his name so we can inform his family.
- I just did that, but he said that his family already know his name.

A LAWYER JOKE
- So you deny having named the lawyer an idiot?
- Absolutely
- But he has two witnesses to it..
- Well, he must be an idiot, I think.

 a journalist joke
- What is the difference between a camel and a journalist?
- A camel can work for 30 days without drinking.

I skolen
 The teacher - Well children, don´t forget to watch the eclipse of the sun on Saturday.
Little John - On which channel?

3 WORKMEN
A bricklayer, a carpenter, and an electrician are in a bar bragging.
Well, the bricklayer profession is the oldest, said the bricklayer, because we built the Tower of Babel.
No, said the carpenter, our profession is the oldest, because we built Noah´s Ark.
Well, said the electrician, on creation day God said, let there be light, and at that time we already had put cables.

                                      
The lonely brain cell

Once upon a time there was a female brain cell which, by mistake, happened to end
up in a man's head.
She looked around nervously because it was all empty and quiet.

"
Hello?" she cried, but no answer.

"Is there anyone here?" she cried a little louder, but still no answer.

Now, the female brain cell started to feel alone and scared and yelled at the top
of her voice,

"HELLO, IS THERE ANYONE HERE?"

Then she heard a faint voice from far, far away..............

 

                                      

Love at last
George, age 92 and Edith, age 89 are all excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding and on the way they pass a drugstore. George suggests they go in and he addresses the man behind the counter. "Are you the owner? "The pharmacist answers, "Yes". We're about to get married. Do you sell heart medication?" "Of course we do.""How about support hose for circulation?" "Definitely.""What about medicine for rheumatism, osteoporosis and arthritis?" "All kinds.""How about waterproof furniture pads and Depends?" "Yes, sir." "Hearing aide, denture supplies, sleeping pills, Geritol and Ensure?" "Absolutely.""You sell wheelchairs, walkers and canes?" "All kinds and sizes.
Why all the questions?"  George smiles and replies to the pharmacist, "we'd like to use your store for our Bridal Registry."

                                      

Check this dog poem

                                      

What do dentists call their x-rays?

Tooth Pics.

                                      

What did the mother buffalo say to her son before she left?

 Bison.


                                      

What nails do carpenters hate to hit?

Fingernails!


                                      

What is at the end of everything?

The letter g.


                                      

What do you call a computer superhero?

A screen saver.


                                      

How do you spell mousetrap with three letters?

C- A- T


                                      
A blonde and brunette were watching the 6 o'clock news. The news was about a man about ready to jump off a bridge. The brunette turns to the blonde and says, " I bet you $50 the man is going to jump." The blonde replies, "Okay you're on." Sure enough, the man jumps, and the blonde gives the brunette $50. The brunette says, "I can't accept this money. I watched the 5 o'clock news and saw the man jump then." "No, you have to take it," says the blonde. "I watched the 5 o'clock news too, but I didn't think he would do it again."
                                      

We could learn a lot from crayons:
  
some are sharp, some are pretty,
 

   

some are dull,
 
some have weird names,
and
all are different colors;


 
but they all have to learn to live in the same box


                                      
joke about Computer Geeks
                                      

Where did the white man go wrong?

An old Indian chief sat in his hut on the reservation, smoking a ceremonial pipe and eyeing two US government officials sent to interview him.

"Chief Two Eagles," asked one official, "You have observed the white man for 90 years. You've seen his wars and his material wealth. You've seen his progress, and the damage he's done."

The chief nodded that it was so.

The official continued, "Considering all these events, in your opinion, where did the white man go wrong?"

The chief stared at the government officials for over a minute and then calmly replied, "When white man found the land, Indians were running it. No taxes, no debt, plenty buffalo, plenty beaver, women did all the work,
medicine man free, Indian man spent all day hunting and fishing, all night having sex.
"



Then the chief leaned back and smiled, "White man dumb enough to think he could improve system like that!"


                                      
                                      

An English professor wrote the words on the board, "a woman without her man is nothing",
and he directed the students to punctuate it correctly.
The men in the class wrote: "A woman, without her man, is nothing".
The women wrote: "A woman: with her, man is nothing".
                                      

Men are Like...

.... mascara
they usually run at the first sign of emotion

... bike helmets
they´re good in emergencies but usually just look silly

... lava lamps
fun to look at, but not all that bright

... bank accounts
without a lot of money they don´t generate a lot of interest

... curling irons
they´re always hot and always in your hair

... mini skirts
if you´re not careful they´ll creep up your legs

 
                                      


                                      


                                      
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